Heterosexuality 101
by frostyfreezyfreeze54
Summary: A depressed Jaylynn decides to take a pill designed by Wade that makes her straight overnight, but it starts to backfire when she develops feelings for Buster.
1. Heterosexuality 101 Script

_Thank You, Heavenly_

Theme Song: "Let It Roll" by Divide the Day

SEASON 5

EPISODE 12

Airdate: November 13, 2016

"Heterosexuality 101"

 _#TYH511_

COLD OPEN

The MacDougal Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

 _NOVEMBER 8, 2016 - ELECTION NIGHT_

 _The five main kids look bored as they watch TV._

RK: I can't believe there's nothing on tonight.

WADE: Well, are you surprised? Every network's covering the election or putting on reruns.

BUSTER: That reminds me. How come we're not watching the election?

SPARKY: Because, there's really no point. I mean, we all know Hillary's going to win.

JAYLYNN: Yeah, you might want to rethink what you just said.

SPARKY: Why?

JAYLYNN: Because Anja texted me and she said we need to watch CNN right now.

RK: No. No, you gotta be kidding me!

WADE: Jaylynn, what does Anja mean by that?

JAYLYNN: She just said to watch CNN right now.

BUSTER: Sparky, I'm scared.

SPARKY: Don't worry, buddy, it's...it's probably nothing.

 _Sparky changes the channel to CNN._

WOLF BLITZER: And ladies and gentlemen, CNN's headquarters here in New York City can confirm that Donald Trump will become the 45th president of the United States. He now has a total of 290 electoral votes, and despite not winning the popular vote, that does not matter because the Electoral College has made its voice heard. Trump is the oldest person to ever be elected to a first term in office, and has officially given the Republican party complete power in Washington.

SPARKY: Someone tell me I'm having a nightmare.

RK: I can't believe this. It's over. It's the end of days.

JAYLYNN: America's gonna pay for what it did.

BUSTER: WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!

WADE: Guys, you're overreacting. I mean, how bad can a Trump presidency really be?

 _The kids all stare at Wade with shock._

WADE: So out of the five of us, who do you think he's gonna kill first?

 _*opening sequence*_

SCENE 1

The Saleh Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

 _Jaylynn and Anja are doing homework together at night._

ANJA: So you just move the decimal point over, and then you have your answer.

JAYLYNN: Wow. You made it look so easy. You're such a genius.

ANJA: A genius? Oh, no way. Now Stevie Wonder, that guy's a genius. I'm just average.

JAYLYNN: Please, Stevie Wonder wishes he could be you. You know, whenever I'm with you, Anja, I just feel so great. It's like I'm at my best when you're around me.

ANJA: I feel the same way. Best friends should make each other better or else, what's the point?

JAYLYNN: Makes sense. Hey, you want to hear this new poem I wrote last night? I don't have a name for it yet, but I think it's awesome.

ANJA: Sure, go ahead. I haven't even started mine yet.

JAYLYNN: Well, hopefully, this inspires you. "They might call it forbidden love, but I never thought that. For all that is sick and wrong in this world, you're the medicine I take to make the pain go away. Two hearts become one, and I find you more relaxing, more interesting, and more lovable than the average person. I need you in my life. You're my universe, my stars, the air in my lungs. One day, our love won't be forbidden. It's going to be reality."

ANJA: That was a really nice poem.

JAYLYNN: Thank you. It's really personal because I thought about someone special when I wrote it.

ANJA: Hmm. I wonder who.

JAYLYNN: Yeah, it's someone alright.

ANJA: It's not me, is it? Because you know, I'm flattered but...you know.

JAYLYNN: What? You think it's about you? Of course, you're so vain, you think this poem is about you. I knew a girl back in Portland that broke my heart and sometimes, I think about her. It's nothing.

ANJA: Oh, okay. I mean, I was just wondering.

JAYLYNN: Dude, bro, sis, it's not even close to being about you, man. Don't sweat it, kid.

ANJA: I wasn't sweating it, Jaylynn.

JAYLYNN: You're losing your mind. Look, Anja, you can't assume that everything is about you. The world isn't as small as people say. I gotta head home and do my Jaylynn stuff.

ANJA: But we weren't done with the homework.

JAYLYNN: Oh, I get it. Two plus two, Albert Einstein and shit. You know the rest.

 _Jaylynn quickly leaves with her backpack and lets out a big sigh._

JAYLYNN: I just had to pick a straight Muslim girl. My heart sucks.

SCENE 2

iCarly Elementary School

Interior Hallway

Seattle, Washington

 _Jaylynn sits by her locker with a sad look on her face when Wade walks by._

WADE: Good morning Jaylynn. What happened to you?

JAYLYNN: It's really that obvious?

WADE: Well, yeah. Your snapback is on backwards and you always wear it like that when you're down.

JAYLYNN: It's true. I'm a girl in pain. It's an Anja problem.

WADE: Understood.

JAYLYNN: Do you know how much it sucks to like a person and no matter what, they'll never like you back? I don't care if this sounds weird, but I'm in love with Anja. Every time I'm close to her, I feel like making a move and telling her that I won't take no for an answer. But what's the point? I'm going to be alone forever.

WADE: Ah, come on, you can't talk like that. You're ten years old. Most people spend years looking for their soul mate and still come up empty. You have plenty of time.

JAYLYNN: I think God's already done with me. If I was supposed to spend years looking for someone, why do I like Anja so much?

WADE: Well, you just do. It's a science, I'm sure, but just because Anja's around now, doesn't mean she's the one. I think you should just focus on yourself for now and try turning those feelings into something a little more positive.

JAYLYNN: Easy for you to say. Not all of us can hit the jackpot with hot European girlfriends, Wade. I mean, for God's sake, I'm being tortured every day by Anja. Her smile, her smell, her laugh, the way she always tries to threaten me even though she's too adorable to do anything. She's trying to seduce me, I know it. But I can't stand it. I'm in love and nobody can save me! WON'T SOMEBODY HELP ME GET TO A BETTER PLACE?!

WADE: Jaylynn, why are you on your knees?

JAYLYNN: I'm not exactly in the best place right now, dude. Is anybody staring at me?

WADE: Um, a couple people. I think Ashley's trying to look away but she might be coming soon. Wait, no, she went to class with Sanna. Jaylynn, I don't think anybody cares about this, you might as well get up.

JAYLYNN: Bitch, I'll do what I want.

SCENE 3

iCarly Elementary School

Interior Lunchroom

Seattle, Washington

 _The guys are all eating together._

RK: Jaylynn, I think it's time to cut the cord with this Anja thing. How long has it been, six years?

JAYLYNN: No, it hasn't been six years. But it feels like it. She's a part of my soul now.

RK: Okay, that doesn't even make any sense, but I'll excuse it because you're lovesick. Look, Jaylynn, bubby, baby, this is what you need to do. It's the obvious solution. Go back in time and stop Anja's parents from giving birth to her. She never exists, and you never have to have feelings for her.

JAYLYNN: I don't want to erase Anja from history. She's still my best friend.

RK: Okay, well, lucky for you, I have another trick up my sleeve. Just sit Anja down and lay down the law. One last ultimatum for all the marbles. She either chooses to be with you or you two street race for her love. If she wins, you leave town.

JAYLYNN: I'm not going to play with her heart like that.

RK: Alright, then just get over her and find someone else to write about.

JAYLYNN: It's not that easy, RK. Most people don't click well with me.

RK: THEN WHAT THE F*** DO YOU WANNA DO?! I'M JUST ONE PERSON!

 _Beat._

RK: I'm sorry, I didn't mean to go off like that, I'm just...I'm just really stressed out, that's all.

SPARKY: Jaylynn, you shouldn't beat yourself up over this. I mean, you're not the first person to like someone that doesn't like you back.

JAYLYNN: Yeah, but it's Anja. I see her every day. She's my partner in crime and now all I can think about is hugging her and kissing her and giving her everything I've got. I'm getting weaker by the minute.

BUSTER: You know, Jaylynn, if I was a girl and I was lesbian, I would date you.

JAYLYNN: Awww, thanks Buster. You always say the weirdest things that make me feel better.

BUSTER: No problem. It's not easy for us, Jaylynn. We're single people. And according to a recent study, single people have a much higher chance of dying young. We're all we have.

WADE: That study is a load of crock.

RK: See, that's how I know none of you guys are from Harlem. In love with people who don't care, talking about studies and shit, arguing with people over facts. Where do they do this at?

WADE: You've never even been to Harlem before!

RK: Yeah, but the question is, have you?

 _Beat._

WADE: No.

RK: Alright.

JAYLYNN: I still have no idea what to do here.

SPARKY: You know what, Jaylynn? I think RK's right minus the street racing. Just talk to Anja about how you feel. Lay it all on the line. I mean, she kinda already knows. Maybe if you two sit down and get into it, you can move on faster.

JAYLYNN: I guess it's worth a shot. Alright, I'll do it.

RK: And if that doesn't work, the time travel idea is still on the table.

JAYLYNN: I'm not doing that.

RK: Look, if you change your mind, cool. If you don't want to do it, fine. I'm just saying, it's there for you to use so be grateful.

SCENE 4

The Saleh Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

 _Anja hears the doorbell ring and gets it. It's Jaylynn holding a rose._

ANJA: Jaylynn, what's with the rose?

JAYLYNN: Well, roses are your favorite flower so I wanted to do this right.

ANJA: My favorite flower isn't the rose.

JAYLYNN: Yeah, I know, I just thought I could get away with that.

ANJA: What's going on here? If you wanna tell me something, you can go ahead.

JAYLYNN: I can't. I think that's my car outside. Oh my God, my car's outside! What a strange coincidence! I was just thinking about my car. Well, I'll be damned. I might as well hop in there, head home, and pretend I never came here. Bye.

ANJA: Jaylynn, stop it. It's still me. You know, Anja? We met in poetry class? I have the sister you hate?

JAYLYNN: It's true. She's Satan in a hijab.

ANJA: Come on, man, I gotta know. What's going on with you?

 _Jaylynn sighs._

JAYLYNN: Look, Anja, ever since I was born, I've never been the mushy type. I don't like being so emotional and having all these feelings because sometimes, it just drives me nuts. But I don't have that problem with you because I'm crazy about you. I think about you all the time, you're always on my mind, and you just get me in a way no one else can. I can't like anybody else but you. That's why I wrote that poem, because you're everything to me and at the end of the day, I can't stop thinking about you.

ANJA: So you really, really like me?

JAYLYNN: You're like my whole world.

ANJA: You know, I always knew you liked me but I didn't know how much. But Jaylynn, you know we can't be together.

JAYLYNN: It's the girl on girl thing, isn't it? Look, it might be weird at first, but if you're up to it, we can make it work.

ANJA: I'm not up to it and it's not just that. I'm not allowed to date anyway. I care a lot about my culture and I really don't want you to think you have a chance with me when nothing's ever going to change. I'm sorry.

 _Beat._

JAYLYNN: So even if you were lesbian, you still wouldn't...

ANJA: I still wouldn't. Jaylynn, you're my best friend and I like you a lot. But that's how things need to stay. I don't even have that many friends so what's the point of losing one over something that's not even worth it?

JAYLYNN: Yeah. Sure. I get it. I should just go.

 _Jaylynn tosses the rose on the floor and begins walking towards the door._

ANJA: Jaylynn, it doesn't have to be like that. I don't want you to hate me just because I don't feel the same way.

JAYLYNN: I don't, but...it says a lot when the only person you really wanna be with wouldn't even do it if they could.

 _Jaylynn rubs her eyes and leaves._

ANJA: Jaylynn, come back!

 _Anja closes the door and sighs while picking up Jaylynn's rose._

ANJA: If only things were different.

SCENE 5

The Saltalamacchia Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

 _Wade is patting Jaylynn's back on the couch as she cries._

WADE: There, there, buddy. It's going to be okay. You're special and one day, you're going to find that special person.

JAYLYNN: Ah, you don't have to give me that fairytale Disney BS, Wade. It's over. I don't want anybody else but Anja, and no matter how much I pour my heart out, nothing's ever going to change. I put my ass on the line tonight and now I just feel so sick of everything.

WADE: So you feel like you're worthless because the person you care about so much just can't return your feelings?

JAYLYNN: Yeah. I feel all of that.

WADE: You know, that reminds me of when I had a big crush on you. I guess at the time, I thought that I would wear you down and you would see me as more than a friend eventually. Then you yelled at me on my birthday and the rest is history.

JAYLYNN: I'm sorry, Wade. Now I know how you felt when I turned you down. And even after all that, you still wanted to be friends with me?

WADE: Well, yeah. As much as I liked you, I knew that you weren't the right person after you sat me down and talked to me about it. I just decided to accept it and I was rewarded when I found Adriana.

JAYLYNN: Adriana's really lucky to have you.

WADE: Thank you Jaylynn. And I know that in the end, you're going to have someone for yourself because when you feel a certain way about someone, you go all the way.

JAYLYNN: Really? Hmm, I never saw it that way. But you know why I said what I said to you on your birthday?

WADE: No. Why?

JAYLYNN: Well, part of me wasn't ready to tell you guys that I liked girls. I mean, I thought you would all make fun of me and I didn't really understand love at the time either, so I had to push you away a little bit.

WADE: I get it. But you've come a long way.

JAYLYNN: It's true. I really have.

 _Wade and Jaylynn sigh and then stare at each other._

JAYLYNN: Is this the part where we kiss?

WADE: What? No.

JAYLYNN: Oh thank God, I thought we were going to have to do that story.

SCENE 6

iCarly Elementary School

Interior Hallway

Seattle, Washington

 _The boys are standing near their lockers._

RK: So, long story short, I just can't wear jeans anymore. It's like, the waistline is too big, the cut isn't long enough. I hate my body. You know what? Forget wearing pants in general, I can't take the stress.

SPARKY: So, what? You're just gonna walk around in your underwear?

RK: Why not? The Europeans do it. Hey look, it's everybody's favorite redhead. So Jaylynn, how did things go with Anja last night? Did you seal the deal?

 _Jaylynn approaches the guys._

JAYLYNN: Anja. That's what I call Anja, the girl who rejected me last night.

RK: Oh, this sounds really bad. You know what, Jaylynn? You were at a disadvantage from the start. Anja comes from a completely different culture. She can't see things the way everyday Americans do. In a way, maybe you're just too good for someone like Anja.

WADE: RK, I know you're trying to lighten the mood with your off-beat sense of humor, but this isn't the time. Anja put the nail in the coffin pretty deep last night.

RK: I don't think I was trying to be funny at all, but damn. What did she do to you, Jaylynn?

BUSTER: Did she touch you?!

SPARKY: Buster...

BUSTER: Studies say that it's more likely someone you know will do it to you.

JAYLYNN: No, nothing like that happened, guys, but, um...um...what was I gonna say? Oh yeah, I remember. F*** Anja.

WADE: What?

JAYLYNN: Yeah, just f*** girls in general, you know? What's the point? Until last night, there was some part of me that still thought Anja would come around and start falling for me. Like an idiot, I actually believed in love because I thought that I would come out on top. But nope, I fell for the okie-doke like everyone else and got my heart stomped on. You know, it even got me thinking. I already live a terrible life because I'm lesbian.

SPARKY: Come on, Jaylynn, you don't mean that. You and Anja just weren't meant to be.

JAYLYNN: Yeah, I wonder why we're even talking about me falling for a girl. When I was five, I never saw myself being a lesbian. Sparky, it took me a long time to even tell you because I almost couldn't believe it. But I chose to accept it and now I know that accepting it is the dumbest thing I ever did. Me and Anja could have been like f***ing sisters if it wasn't for something I can't change. God, sometimes I wish that I was straight. But I guess I have to keep my chin up, huh? I'll talk to you guys later.

 _Jaylynn walks away from the concerned boys._

RK: She's going manic. If we don't tell her to snap out of it, she'll probably start speaking in code and wearing a mask to scare strangers.

SPARKY: Why do you always act so weird on Tuesdays?

SCENE 7

The Hernandez Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

 _Jaylynn is sleeping on the floor when Wade walks in._

WADE: Jaylynn, I know for a fact that once I...Jaylynn?

JAYLYNN: Yeah?

WADE: Why are you on the floor?

JAYLYNN: I don't know. I just wanted to be.

WADE: So this has nothing to do with Anja?

JAYLYNN: Hell no. Sometimes, the floor's more comfy than the couch. Now what were you saying before?

WADE: Yeah. Anyway, I know you're in a bad spot right now, so I decided to help you out with your little problem.

 _Wade holds up a small pink pill._

JAYLYNN: How is a Mike and Ike supposed to solve my problems?

WADE: Jaylynn, this is not a candy. It's a special pill designed to alter your sexual orientation and turn you straight. See, a lot of people believe that being gay or straight or whatever is a choice. So I decided to test that theory, and here it is.

JAYLYNN: That pill right there is guaranteed to turn me straight?

WADE: One hundred percent.

JAYLYNN: Okay, give me the pill.

WADE: Wait, what? You don't have any questions about this? I mean, you're not the slightest bit curious about how this works?

JAYLYNN: No, not really. I'm tired of being alone, Wade. Being lesbian is the reason I can't be friends with Anja. It's a handicap and I'm sick of it. At least with this, I can get my life back.

WADE: Wow. I never knew you felt this way.

JAYLYNN: Sometimes, you start figuring things out in your worst moments. So hand the pill over and let's get this show on the road.

WADE: As you wish.

 _Wade gives Jaylynn the pill and she immediately swallows it._

JAYLYNN: Ah, I feel normal already. Wait, no, I don't. I don't feel anything.

WADE: It takes some time to set. I imagine.

JAYLYNN: You imagine? Wade, if you're just trying to troll me right now, I swear to...

 _At that moment, Jaylynn falls on the couch unconscious._

WADE: There we go.

SCENE 8

The Hernandez Household

Interior Bedroom

Seattle, Washington

 _Jaylynn wakes up the next morning scratching her head._

JAYLYNN: Ugh. Shit, man. All Wade did was give me a headache. Maybe I should have been more curious.

 _Jaylynn looks at her hands and feet._

JAYLYNN: No, everything's the way it should be. Eight toes, eight fingers. I guess it needs a few days to work.

 _Jaylynn gets up, yawns, scratches her back, and opens her drawer._

JAYLYNN: Hey, it's Anja's birthday card. "Dear Jaylynn. Happy birthday, kiddo. You're still the coolest girl I know. Cheers to many more birthdays down the line!" Pfft, what a nerd. But she's still a cool dude anyway. Wait a minute. I've read this card so many times, but this time, I don't have butterflies in my tummy. Then that means...no. It's already working? There's only one way to test this out.

 _FIVE MINUTES LATER..._

 _Jaylynn emerges from the bathroom with a bored look on her face._

JAYLYNN: Yup, it's official. I'm straight now! WOOHOO!

SCENE 9

iCarly Elementary School

Interior Hallway

Seattle, Washington

 _The boys are conversing with each other at the lockers._

SPARKY: Hey, have you guys ever seen _Goodfellas_?

WADE: No.

BUSTER: Why would someone our age watch that?

RK: I've seen some clips on YouTube. Why do you ask?

SPARKY: Well, Halley and I saw it last night for the first time and I had a couple questions. But you guys disappoint me since you haven't seen it.

RK: I think I might be able to help.

SPARKY: Well, do you know why Joe Pesci always sounds like he's on helium? I mean, is he doing a fake voice or does he actually talk like that?

RK: No, he actually talks like that.

SPARKY: Oh, okay. You know what? Forget the other questions, I'll just go on a message board or some shit.

 _Jaylynn approaches the guys with a big smile on her face._

JAYLYNN: Hello there, boys.

RK: Should we be concerned?

SPARKY: Why? She's just smiling.

RK: I don't know. I get scared whenever Jaylynn smiles for a long time.

JAYLYNN: I can hear everything you're saying.

RK: Oh. Well, in that case, could you just move a few spaces to the left?

WADE: So Jaylynn, what's new?

JAYLYNN: Oh, like you don't know.

WADE: What? Why would I know?

JAYLYNN: Oh, I get it. You want to keep it on the down low until later. You humble son of a bitch, not even wanting to take your credit. That's some dope shit, brah.

RK: You see, this is why I worry about you sometimes.

BUSTER: Is everything okay, Jaylynn? I would ask what's going on, but I would just be more confused.

JAYLYNN: Yeah, everything's great. You know, Buster, you're really cute. I never noticed it before, but your face is just so...so, I wanna squeeze it, but like... _*chuckles*_ …oh God, I'm embarrassing myself right now. You look nice is what I'm saying.

BUSTER: Oh thank you, Jaylynn. And I see your red hair's coming in nicely.

JAYLYNN: You actually noticed I just dyed it? That's so nice to hear. You guys should learn a thing or two from Buster.

SPARKY: See, I told you they would make a cute couple.

RK: Look, until they seal the deal, you're still wrong.

WADE: Learning something from Buster? Hmm, must be parallel universe day.

JAYLYNN: Parallel universe. Wait a minute.

SCENE 10

iCarly Elementary School

Interior Bathroom

Seattle, Washington

 _In the stall, Jaylynn has drawn up an entire scenario on the door using a black Sharpie._

JAYLYNN: Okay, so I think I know what's going on here. The guys don't act like anything's different about me, and they were talking about me and Buster as a couple so there's only one way that any of this makes sense: I'm in a damn simulation. Oh, great work, Wade. No, that sounds too cliche. I think when I took the pill, I stepped into a parallel universe where I'm already straight and everyone knows it. I never fell in love with Anja, and I was never into girls. But I just can't help but feel like I'm wrong. Maybe all of this is for real.

 _Jaylynn flushes the toilet and leaves the stall to see Halley at the sink._

HALLEY: Hey Jaylynn. Have you ever seen _Goodfellas_?

JAYLYNN: No, but I saw _Casino_ on the plane to Miami that one time. Listen, I need you to help me out with something. You're like, my second-best friend, right? Or third?

HALLEY: I remember you telling me I was behind Anja and Sparky a couple weeks ago.

JAYLYNN: Okay, great. So as my #3 bro, I need you to tell me something. This is a matter of life or death. What you say could change the way I see the world for the rest of my life.

HALLEY: Jaylynn, everybody watches porn. You're not a weirdo if you do. Well, you're ten, but you just got a head start, that's all.

JAYLYNN: No, this isn't about porn! I just wanted to know if I was lesbian or straight.

HALLEY: You're straight. You've always been straight.

JAYLYNN: So I never had feelings for Anja? Never thought about her in the shower when I was soaping myself and went aoogah?

HALLEY: I don't need to know all the details about your home life. But yeah, you're straight as a line.

JAYLYNN: So I _am_ in a parallel universe. I guess for now, I can just play along and enjoy my life as a hetero.

HALLEY: What?

JAYLYNN: Oh, nothing. It's just that I had this weird dream where Anja was in the shower and she was thinking about me and went aoogah. It felt like she was trying to tell me something, so I had to make sure I wasn't crazy.

HALLEY: Jaylynn, you and I both know you're crazy, but not for that reason.

JAYLYNN: Good. We're on the same page.

SCENE 11

iCarly Elementary School

Interior Lunchroom

Seattle, Washington

 _The kids are eating together._

RK: Alright, so it's set. We're all headed to the mall this weekend so I can get some new jeans. Online ordering is for suckers.

SPARKY: Sorry, RK. I have some homework to do.

RK: You always use your education as an excuse. Wade, my main man, my best friend. I know for a fact that you're going to be there for me in my corner this weekend when I get the jeans I always wanted.

WADE: Of course I'll be there. You know, unless I somehow end up needing to do something else.

RK: Classy. This side of you is classy.

BUSTER: Can I buy a cheese pretzel?

RK: No, Buster, we talked about this. Remember the last time you ordered a cheese pretzel and you hurt yourself?

BUSTER: How the hell do you hurt yourself ordering a cheese pretzel?

RK: You tell me! You're the one who did it!

 _Jaylynn and Buster grab a fork at the same time._

BUSTER: You could have...

JAYLYNN: No. It's cool. You can have it.

BUSTER: Your hands feel soft today. What are you using?

JAYLYNN: Oh, just some moisturizer.

BUSTER: Well, I like the way it feels. It's like, I want your hands. Let's do a hand swap. Where's the knife?

SPARKY: We're not doing the hand swap again.

BUSTER: You know what? I'll just get another fork. And Jaylynn, keep it cool with your smooth hands.

 _Buster goes to get a new fork._

JAYLYNN: Man, Buster really is something else.

RK: I can't believe he calls that flirting. Unbelievable.

JAYLYNN: What? He wasn't flirting. It was just Buster being Buster.

RK: Oh, please, he was on you like a...like a...someone help me out here.

JAYLYNN: Look, I know you want me and Buster to get together, but nothing's happening. We're just friends.

WADE: Boy, I haven't heard that one lately.

JAYLYNN: What are you talking about?

SPARKY: Come on, Jaylynn. Lots of boys and girls say they're just friends, and once they say that, something happens.

RK: Yeah. So by denying anything's going to go down, you f***ed yourself over and now something has to go down.

JAYLYNN: Read my lips. Buster and I are just friends. Nothing's going to happen because we have nothing for each other. Nobody's dating anyone in this group.

RK: I'll have you know that I was chasing Buster before you, so you're just blowing smoke out your ass when you say that.

BUSTER: Hey guys, I just found out that they're adding another water fountain near the gym. That's like, pure insanity.

 _Buster and Jaylynn look at each other and smile for a bit._

RK: Just kiss, you ding dongs!

BUSTER: What? Why would we do that?

JAYLYNN: Okay, you weirdos are just too much for me. I'm gonna go hang out with my main man Halley.

 _Jaylynn takes her lunch and goes to Halley's table._

SPARKY: See, you scared her off with all that kissing nonsense.

RK: Look, if I think two people have the chemistry to be together, then as their friend, it's my job to butt in as much as possible and make sure it happens.

BUSTER: Wait, I have a question.

RK: What?

BUSTER: Am I the only person who cares about the new water fountain? AM I ALONE IN THIS?!

 _Cut to Jaylynn and Halley._

JAYLYNN: I don't know what to do, Halley. It's like, I know the guys want me to be with Buster, but it's kinda creepy. I don't think I can see him in that way.

HALLEY: It's kinda weird how you sat down and didn't respond to anything I said until now.

JAYLYNN: Halley, your white people problems are really starting to bum me out. I need to think of a way to get the guys off my back.

HALLEY: You could just tell them that nothing's going to happen between you and Buster.

JAYLYNN: No, I tried that and it didn't work. I need to think of a plan. A plan that's so smart, it's even going to go over my head. I got it! I'll ask Buster out on a date, and make sure we both have a horrible time. Then I'll tell the guys what happened, and they'll realize that I can't date Buster.

HALLEY: Why does everything you guys do have to be resolved with an elaborate plan?

JAYLYNN: You don't know us very well, do you?

 _Cut to the boys._

SPARKY: I'm just asking you, RK, how am I funny?

RK: It's just the way you tell stories, I don't know. You're a funny guy.

SPARKY: Oh, like I'm a clown, like I'm here to amuse you? Is that what you think? That I'm some kind of f***ing comedian?!

BUSTER: I don't get it. Hey Jaylynn.

JAYLYNN: Look, Buster, I think we should just stop playing games and admit what's going on here. The two of us obviously have something, so it's time to do something about it.

BUSTER: Okay. So what's really the plan here?

JAYLYNN: How about after we go to the mall this weekend, you and I go back to my place for some fun?

BUSTER: That would be awesome! Let's do it.

JAYLYNN: Great. I'll let you know the details.

SPARKY: HA! Pay me, champ.

RK: Okay, fine. You son of a bitch.

 _RK gives Sparky five dollars._

WADE: What's that about?

SPARKY: I bet RK five dollars that Jaylynn would make the first move.

RK: Yeah, yeah, just don't spend it all in one place. One time, I spent five dollars on Girl Scout cookies that were already open.

 _Beat._

RK: They were Samoas and the girl selling them gave me puppy eyes!

WADE: I don't think anyone was asking you to justify what you did.

SCENE 12

The Hernandez Household

Interior Bedroom

Seattle, Washington

 _Jaylynn is tossing and turning while sleeping at night._

JAYLYNN: Oh, Buster...yes, Buster, don't stop...oh yeah, Buster...come on, don't be shy. Yeah, that's it, Buster.

 _Jaylynn's eyes open and she wakes up screaming._

JAYLYNN: Why the hell did I like that?!

SCENE 13

The Saleh Household

Exterior Entrance

Seattle, Washington

 _Jaylynn walks up to the door of Anja's house after parking her car._

JAYLYNN: Okay, so in this universe, Anja and I have no tension. Thank God for that.

 _Jaylynn knocks on the door and Anja opens it._

ANJA: Hey Jaylynn. What's up?

JAYLYNN: Hi Anja. I need advice about something.

ANJA: Sure, what is it?

JAYLYNN: Well, last night, I had this, um...dream, where I made out with Buster.

ANJA: Really? You kissed him?

JAYLYNN: Dude, from what I remember, there was tongue in there. I mean, when I think about it, it's gross and it's just so freaking creepy, but part of me liked it. Maybe I like Buster and I just don't know it yet, but I don't think I'm ready.

ANJA: Okay, let's approach this logically. If we know how he feels about you, maybe that'll help.

JAYLYNN: Well, that's just it. I don't know how he feels.

ANJA: So what the heck do you want me to do about it?

JAYLYNN: I just want to know if I really like Buster or not. I mean, he's been my friend ever since I moved here. I can't have feelings for him.

ANJA: Well, I have an idea. Just go to sleep tonight and see if you have another dream about it. If you do, then...maybe you _do_ like him.

JAYLYNN: I'll try it. I just hope this doesn't screw up our date this weekend.

ANJA: It doesn't screw up your what's and whose its?

JAYLYNN: Yeah, I asked him out.

ANJA: Why would you do that if you don't wanna be with him?!

JAYLYNN: Because the guys were on my back and it's part of the plan! If I have a horrible time with Buster on this date, then the guys will know that we're not meant to be together.

ANJA: I'm gonna be honest, Jaylynn, that sounds pretty dumb.

JAYLYNN: Look, it's a good plan. I know what I'm doing. I'm gonna go to sleep tonight, not dream about Buster again, and make sure we have the worst date ever on Saturday. It's perfect. I mean, I can make it work. I'm a smart girl.

ANJA: Not always.

JAYLYNN: Are...are you here to help me or just shit on me?

ANJA: I'm sorry, I've been having a really crummy week.

JAYLYNN: Oh. You wanna talk about it, sport?

ANJA: Not really. It's not that big a deal.

JAYLYNN: Okay. Well, um...see ya later.

ANJA: Okay, bye.

 _Jaylynn looks at Anja briefly, nods, and then leaves. Anja looks down on the floor for a couple seconds and leaves the room._

SCENE 14

The Hernandez Household

Interior Bedroom

Seattle, Washington

 _Jaylynn is sleeping and starts moaning, but then wakes up screaming again._

JAYLYNN: I can't take this anymore. Maybe...maybe I _do_ like him.

 _At that point, Jaylynn gets a text message._

JAYLYNN: Who the hell is messaging me at two in the morning? "From the desk of 20th Century Fox Television. Dear Jaylynn, for using Homer Simpson's trademarked catchphrase, we are fining you $5,000 for gimmick infringement."

 _Beat._

JAYLYNN: Get the f*** out my face with this bullshit.

 _Jaylynn immediately goes back to sleep._

SCENE 15

Pacific Place

Interior Old Navy

Seattle, Washington

 _RK is trying on different boys' jeans out in the open while Buster and Jaylynn watch him._

RK: You know, I just don't think I can do slim jeans. Maybe that's been the problem all along. What do you guys think?

JAYLYNN: I think you should go to the freaking fitting room so we don't have to see your underwear all up in our faces.

BUSTER: Yeah, RK, you're supposed to go there to try stuff on. Do you know how many looks of disgust we've gotten in the last fifteen minutes?

RK: I know you're supposed to go there, genius, but I can't go there. I refuse to.

JAYLYNN: Do you seriously have a legit reason as to why you can't go there?

RK: No, I'm just super lazy right now.

 _Cut to Buster and Jaylynn sitting outside the fitting room._

BUSTER: I can't believe we actually had to carry him into the fitting room.

JAYLYNN: I know, right? It's ridiculous. But you know, now that it's just the two of us, I wanted to talk to you about something.

BUSTER: Okay, shoot. You know what? Don't shoot, just talk and I'll listen.

JAYLYNN: Do you think that...I don't know, two friends can become more than friends?

BUSTER: Of course I do. That's the best part about being friends. You're just learning to like each other in a different way. At least that's what I learned from TV.

JAYLYNN: So you think that even though these people have known each other for a long time, they shouldn't let their friendship get in the way of how they really feel?

BUSTER: Why would they let it? You like someone, you like someone. You can't be scared, just go for it. Wait a minute. Do you like someone?

JAYLYNN: No, no, no, no. I'm just asking hypothetically.

BUSTER: It's Sparky, isn't it? I knew it! You two have been ready for this day since you met. Just don't let Halley know, ever. I don't think she would be cool with sharing her boyfriend with someone else.

JAYLYNN: I don't think so either, and that's not what I was getting at.

RK: Okay, guys. Let's hit the checkout line. I found two pairs of jeans that are just my size. I can't wait to walk around town with these and then throw them out in two years.

SCENE 16

Pacific Place

Interior McDonald's

Seattle, Washington

 _Buster, RK, and Jaylynn look tired after finishing their food._

RK: Who knew so many McNuggets could finish you off so easily?

BUSTER: This wouldn't have happened if we went to Sbarro.

RK: Nobody likes Sbarro. Absolutely nobody.

BUSTER: Well, I might as well take my time in the can. After this, I'm gonna have to take a break from eating. For like, six weeks at least. Oh boy.

 _Buster burps loudly and slowly walks towards the bathroom._

RK: Jaylynn, what's wrong? You haven't said anything since you told us that story about the bitch that cut you off in traffic.

JAYLYNN: It's nothing. Well, actually, it's something. I like Buster.

RK: Yeah, of course you like Buster. That's why you asked him out the other day.

JAYLYNN: No, you don't get it. All you guys do is talk about how right we are for each other, so I thought I would ask him out and then have a horrible date just to shut you up. But now I'm having dreams about him and he's always on my mind. I can't take it. I want that kid so bad.

RK: Oh, so you thought you didn't like him and you were going to pull one over on old RK. But the world works in mysterious ways and it knew that you were lying to yourself.

JAYLYNN: I guess. But I don't think Buster's figured it out yet. He still thinks we're just hanging out. I don't know what to do, RK. If we have a great time, then I'm just going to like someone who doesn't feel the same way. But if we have a crappy time, then there's no way he would ever wanna be with me. I'm freaking out!

RK: Look, honey, this is a big moment in your life. You can't run away from how you feel. Just take the chance and see what happens. If it works out, then at least you have someone you know you can depend on. Buster's one of a kind.

JAYLYNN: That's true. He is. I just wish I knew how he felt. Then I wouldn't be so nervous.

RK: Don't worry. I know how to speak his language.

 _Buster comes back from the bathroom._

BUSTER: There's a guy with no shoes in here handing out coupons.

RK: Hey Buster, you want to buy that cheese pretzel now?

BUSTER: Would I?! Wait a minute. I thought you said I couldn't have one.

RK: I just realized that I can teach you how to eat one. Jaylynn, you can wait for us outside. This is strictly man-to-man shit.

 _RK starts winking multiple times._

JAYLYNN: Dude, are you trying to hit on me in front of everyone here?

 _RK gives Jaylynn a bored expression._

JAYLYNN: Oh, I get it now.

RK: You're an idiot.

SCENE 17

Pacific Place

Interior Petey's Pretzels

Seattle, Washington

 _Buster whistles in the background while RK pays for the pretzels._

BUSTER: Why did you send Jaylynn out anyway?

RK: Huh? Oh, that. Well, I have to make this quick. She likes you, man.

BUSTER: What?

RK: Yeah, she's crazy about you. I'm surprised you haven't figured it out yet.

BUSTER: So the other day when she asked me to hang out, she was really asking me out?

RK: Yup. You know what, I'm actually not surprised you haven't figured it out yet.

BUSTER: Well, she's gonna have to know that ain't nothing going on between us. No, sir. I refuse to buy what she sells me.

RK: What? Buster, you're kidding, right? Jaylynn's the perfect catch. She's awkward, she's a little slow, she has a backbone. She's kinda like you, only with a bigger chest.

BUSTER: But RK, we're just friends. I can't date Jaylynn. It goes against science and philosophy and all that other smarty pants stuff. It's out of the question.

RK: Aren't you the one that always says that friends can become more than friends if they like each other enough?

BUSTER: Yeah, but...

RK: And aren't you the one that always says that you shouldn't be scared of the right person, especially if you know them?

BUSTER: I was probably on crack when I said that.

RK: You know what your problem is? You're too scared to go after what you know you deserve. Look, Jaylynn likes you. She wants you and nobody else, man. You have to meet her halfway. Unless you don't like her and think she's gross.

BUSTER: No, I do. I like her a lot. I just never thought it would work out, so I never said anything. But RK, I'm scared. What if we kiss or something and it changes everything?

RK: Changes what?

BUSTER: Our friendship. We're practically family. Once we start dating, we're going to be brothers. I'm going to have to start calling her Tony and talk about nothing but skydiving and Knicks games.

RK: Okay, um, that's a way to look at it. Or you can see it as your big moment. The moment you become happy once again. You haven't had the best luck with girls but you know that Jaylynn will be there for you no matter what. Think about it. Pretty soon, we can start going on quadruple dates.

BUSTER: Oh my God, you're right! Me and Jaylynn, you and Anna, and four other people we don't know or care about!

RK: Dude, I meant Sparky and Wade.

BUSTER: Hey, that's cool too. Alright, RK. I hear you loud and clear. It's time for me to step up to the plate and grab a spoonful of Jaylynn.

RK: Ewww.

SCENE 18

The Hernandez Household

Exterior Entrance

Seattle, Washington

 _Jaylynn's car pulls up at the house._

JAYLYNN: Well, here we are. You ready?

BUSTER: I sure am. But don't you think we should drop off RK first?

JAYLYNN: We already dropped him off.

BUSTER: Oh. You know, I never told anyone this before, but RK's my spirit animal. Don't tell him that. I want it to be a surprise.

 _Buster and Jaylynn walk into the house and both of them look nervous._

JAYLYNN: It's weird. I know there are no candles here, but it feels like there are.

BUSTER: I thought it was just me who thought that. Good catch. So what do you wanna do first? We could watch some TV, play some video games. We could talk like we sometimes do. Or we could compare our wallets. Mine is Calvin Klein, I think. Pretty expensive if I say so myself.

 _Buster pulls out his wallet._

BUSTER: Oh, right. I have a bootleg One Direction wallet I bought at the thrift store. God, I miss Zayn.

JAYLYNN: Buster, you seem a little tense. Come sit down.

BUSTER: Sit down? Next to you? Where there's nothing separating us but some unknown force?

JAYLYNN: Yeah. If that's okay.

BUSTER: You know what? I actually have to hit the bathroom. Let me just, um, freshen up first and I'll be back to take that seat.

JAYLYNN: Alright.

 _Buster runs towards the bathroom while Jaylynn sighs._

JAYLYNN: How can someone that cute be that...out there?

 _Cut to Buster in the bathroom calling someone._

RK: Shalom.

BUSTER: RK, I can't do this.

RK: Ah, come on, man. You have her strung out as we speak. You can't give up now.

BUSTER: I don't wanna do this anymore. I can't kiss Jaylynn, I can't tell her how I feel. Friends are supposed to stay in a box, not evolve past that. That's what the friend zone is for!

RK: If I could slap you through the phone right now, I would. Look, nobody said this was going to be easy. But you have nothing to worry about. You know how she feels, and you know that you deserve a girlfriend that's gonna make you happy. So pull yourself together, go out there, and get what you came for, dammit!

BUSTER: Thanks RK. I'm gonna do it. It's my time.

RK: You're damn right. By the way, if you call me again saying you're chickening out, I'm driving over there and slapping your Caucasian ass.

BUSTER: Alright, I hear you. I'll stick to it.

 _Buster hangs up and goes back to the couch._

BUSTER: Sorry, baby. Nature called.

JAYLYNN: It's okay. Wait, did you just call me baby?

BUSTER: Yes. No. No, not at all. I mean, yes, I did. I did call you by a pet name. Look, Jaylynn, the time for talking is over.

JAYLYNN: It is?

BUSTER: Uh huh. You know it. I know it. And more importantly, you know it. I know how you feel about me.

JAYLYNN: You do?

BUSTER: That's right, honey bunch. No need to be scared anymore. The cat's out of the bag.

JAYLYNN: Shit, why can't the cat just stay in the bag?

BUSTER: I didn't ruin your plan, did I?

JAYLYNN: You? Ruin my plan? Pffft, no way. Even though I know in my heart that I want you, and nobody else.

BUSTER: And I know that we became friends because it's all been one big lead up to this.

JAYLYNN: Why run away from our feelings for each other?

BUSTER: We need each other.

JAYLYNN: We can't live without each other.

BUSTER: So what do you wanna do about it?

JAYLYNN: Something we've both wanted to do for a long time.

 _Beat._

BUSTER: Okay, what is it?

JAYLYNN: Oh, um, I guess we could, um...kiss. You know, if that's okay.

BUSTER: Yeah, it's okay. I like to kiss people sometimes.

JAYLYNN: Okay.

 _Jaylynn and Buster slowly lean in and kiss for a few seconds, then pull away and start chuckling._

JAYLYNN: I can't believe this is happening.

BUSTER: Yeah, but we don't have to be so stiff about it.

JAYLYNN: You're right. Let's go one more time.

BUSTER: Okay. I'm ready.

 _The two lean in and start kissing for a longer period of time, then pull away._

BUSTER: I like you.

JAYLYNN: I like you too.

 _Jaylynn and Buster continue kissing each other._

SCENE 19

The Hernandez Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

 _Buster cradles Jaylynn in his arms with a big smile on his face._

BUSTER: That was fantastic.

JAYLYNN: All we did was kiss.

BUSTER: Hey. We had fun. And I can't wait to do this more and more.

JAYLYNN: I know, right? I can't believe we're going out.

BUSTER: This is one of the most amazing days any human being has ever experienced. Except...do you really think this can work?

JAYLYNN: What do you mean?

BUSTER: I mean, can we really make it? What if we end up having a big fight and we never talk to each other again?

JAYLYNN: That's never going to happen. We love each other too much.

BUSTER: Wait, what? I'm not in love with you, Jaylynn.

JAYLYNN: I'm not either, but I mean, like...we care about each other, right? Shouldn't that be enough?

BUSTER: It should be. But I don't want to hurt you.

JAYLYNN: I don't either. Oh my God, what are we doing? We're screwing ourselves over here!

BUSTER: I wouldn't go that far, but yeah, something feels off about this whole thing.

JAYLYNN: I mean, I know I like you. When I kissed you, I felt something that I didn't think I would ever feel for anyone. But maybe I just don't like you enough.

BUSTER: I'm starting to think you're right. I'm not ready for this. I don't think you and I can just go from hanging out to making out like this. It's a little weird.

JAYLYNN: Dude, I feel the same way. I mean, do you have feelings for me?

BUSTER: I do, but I don't think they're all that strong. I mean, on one hand, I look at you and I think that you're everything I want in a girl. But on the other hand, I think that you don't know my soul. You don't know what makes Buster Newman Buster Newman.

JAYLYNN: What don't I know about you?

BUSTER: Well, my favorite cereal for one.

JAYLYNN: Apple Jacks.

BUSTER: My favorite song in the last ten years.

JAYLYNN: "You Belong with Me" by Taylor Swift.

BUSTER: What about my third favorite double-digit number?

JAYLYNN: I don't know. 54?

BUSTER: A-ha, it's 99! I just love the way those two nines come together.

JAYLYNN: You know something, Buster? You're right. I mean, can we really make this work? Even though we like each other, neither one of us is ready for that next step. I thought being with you was going to solve all my problems, but I guess I'm just afraid of being alone.

BUSTER: Me too. But what about the future?

JAYLYNN: When we're older and we still haven't found anyone else, we can do it then. You're a great friend, Buster.

BUSTER: You too, Jaylynn.

 _Jaylynn kisses Buster one last time and begins fading away._

BUSTER: Jaylynn, why are you losing definition?

JAYLYNN: I don't know. What the hell is this, some kind of bit? Oh no. ALL I SEE IS THE INFERNO! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

 _Jaylynn soon vanishes into thin air._

BUSTER: JAYLYNN!

 _Jaylynn wakes up in a chair while being wired to a machine in Wade's basement. Wade approaches her._

JAYLYNN: Okay, can someone tell me what's going on here?

WADE: Rise and shine, Jaylynn.

JAYLYNN: Wade, you piece of shit, you locked me in here all week for your little experiment?! The hell's your problem, bro?!

WADE: Jaylynn, you were only knocked out for an hour. Time moves a lot faster in the "parallel universe."

JAYLYNN: Wait, so you know everything that happened?

WADE: Of course I do. I know that you had a chance to be happy with Buster, but you didn't take it. Why?

JAYLYNN: It didn't feel right. I mean, I tried, but you can't force something like that. Besides, I like girls.

WADE: Oh, so being straight didn't solve your problems?

JAYLYNN: No. It didn't. Wade, what's going on here?

WADE: Well, you wanted to be straight so I gave you a pill that allowed to be just that in another world. I set up a world where you and Buster had repressed feelings for each other and I monitored your activity. In the end, you realized that you just didn't want to be alone. So your problems didn't really go away.

JAYLYNN: They really didn't. You know what, Wade? For the first time in a long time, I don't have butterflies when I think about Anja. I guess I just needed to learn to love myself a little more. Lesbian, straight, it doesn't matter. I am who I am, and I don't wanna change that.

WADE: I'm glad you learned something from all this.

JAYLYNN: I really did. Thanks for helping me out, Wade.

WADE: Eh, don't mention it.

 _Beat._

JAYLYNN: Hey, in the straight universe, what's going on with Lynne? Are we friends or something?

WADE: No, you still hate each other, but because you don't want her sister, she tolerates you sometimes.

JAYLYNN: Ah, that's what I thought.

 _Cut to black._

 _("Vienna" by Billy Joel plays in the end credits)_

 _POST-CREDITS GAG_

 _Anja's doorbell is rung and she opens the door to reveal Jaylynn._

ANJA: You're not here to yell my head off, are you?

JAYLYNN: No. I'm not mad at you, Anja. Look, no matter what happens, it's not like I'm going to stop liking you. But even though we can't be together, I would rather have you as my best friend than not at all.

ANJA: Me too. I care about you a lot, Jaylynn. You're going to find the right girl one day. It's just not me.

JAYLYNN: I can live with that, because I can't find another friend like you. You think we can just start over?

ANJA: Start over what? We never stopped being friends, the heck?

JAYLYNN: Yeah, I mean, like, this time, there's no feelings involved. It's just you and me looking out for each other like it should be.

ANJA: Of course we can do that, Jaylynn. Ugh, you're such a softie.

JAYLYNN: Please, you're so soft, your middle name is Butter.

ANJA: You're so soft, you cry at episodes of _Full House_.

JAYLYNN: You're so soft, you thought you would go to hell for hitting someone.

 _Fade to black._

©2016 ANDERSON PRODUCTIONS

ROAD TO 100: TWO WEEKS AWAY


	2. Heterosexuality 101 Backstage Pass

_PRODUCTION/CULTURAL REFERENCES (written 11/12/16)_

-This was the first episode I completed after "Savi's Revenge." I started working on "The Zombies Come Out at Night" but it wasn't done yet, and I really had no interest in doing "Young Black Prepubescents" at the time so I started doing this one. I remember having half the script done and finishing the rest of it this one Saturday. I didn't have that many problems writing this. It was easy to do and I enjoyed working on it.

-I came up with the concept of this episode almost out of nowhere. I just remember going to sleep one night and thinking of the idea in a flash. Of course, I knew it was a weird idea, but it was the kind of idea I knew could work. Not much really changed from when I came up with the episode to when I wrote it. Everything fell into place the way I thought of it.

-A theme of this episode is Jaylynn's insecurities, which are explored for the first time. While she is a tough person and stands up for what she believes in, she's not always willing to open up because she's afraid of what will happen if she does. She cares about Anja more than anyone else, so when she was finally rejected, it broke her emotionally and caused her self-hate to come out. If Anja didn't want to be with her, who else? I like writing Jaylynn when she's vulnerable because it brings out a softer side of her character, a side that just wants to be loved and appreciated.

-Before this, I don't think I really dealt with the Jaylynn/Anja dynamic like I do here. While they have had their tense moments ("Young, Stupid, and Pseudo-Religious," "Chuck E. Chocolate's," "Thank You for Being an Enemy," "When Satan Takes the Wheel"), Jaylynn's love for Anja was never really tackled in-depth. Anja knew a long time ago that Jaylynn liked her, but her feelings grew stronger to the point where it was all or nothing. I wanted to give this story arc, one that has been around since season two, a proper ending, where Jaylynn finally accepts that she can never be with Anja and officially takes her place as her best friend. I felt like it was time to put it to rest because Jaylynn will always be the chaser, and there is a lot more potential in developing their friendship further.

-I was considering having Jaylynn take the pill in real-life, but if she did, I don't think her romance with Buster would have worked. In a world where Jaylynn was always straight, it was a lot more believable that Buster would develop feelings a while back but never act on them, and Jaylynn would have repressed feelings for him but never act on them. They were both set on maintaining the friendship but realized their feelings were too strong for each other. That's where the parallel universe thing came in.

-I also liked pairing Wade and Jaylynn up, which is something that rarely happens and an example of how their relationship has changed since season two.

-I decided to come up with the cold open when I was heading to school on Thursday. Trump's election win was a major shocker and it is still one of the hottest news stories. I normally don't like responding to current events because I want the episodes to remain fresh, but I felt like this was too big to not talk about.

-At this point, I forgot about the existence of the poetry class. I mean, it will still be a thing, but Jaylynn and Anja have done a lot at this point that has defined their relationship so the class is no longer as important as it used to be.

-Jaylynn makes a reference to the 1972 song "You're So Vain" by Carly Simon.

-When talking to Jaylynn, Wade makes a reference to the season two episode "Wade's Birthday, Jaylynn's Bitch-day." I remember writing that and thinking it was really long. Times have changed.

-Jaylynn counting her toes and fingers is a reference to the fact that cartoon characters usually have eight toes/fingers, because it is easier to draw them that way.

-Jaylynn makes a reference to the 1995 movie _Casino_ , one that is directed/co-written by Martin Scorsese and stars Robert De Niro and Joe Pesci (much like _Goodfellas_ ), and another reference to her trip to Florida that she took in the season two episode "No Snow Job's Chance in Hell."

-At the lunch table, Sparky and RK reference the "How am I funny?" scene from _Goodfellas_.

-I thought it would be funnier to end Jaylynn and Anja's conversation like any other one would, instead of trying to come up with a joke.

-Jaylynn's fine from 20th Century Fox is a callback to an earlier scene in the episode where she uses Homer Simpson's "Woohoo!" catchphrase.

-I wanted Buster and Jaylynn's romance scene to have a layer of awkwardness, mostly because these two have been friends for a while and they now have to deal with feelings they never thought they could have. Originally, when Jaylynn kisses Buster, she was supposed to make out with him. However, I felt like it was over-the-top, so I rewrote the scene and made the moment smaller. At the end of the day, this scene was just two kids realizing they are attracted to each other, so I wanted to capture that feeling of fear and awkwardness.

-When Buster tells Jaylynn she no longer has to be scared, he has a similar exchange with her that he had with Sparky in season three's "Buster the Hedonist":

SPARKY: Yeah, don't think I haven't been keeping track of that. I know you guys have been having fun together, watching TV, all that good stuff. The cat's out of the bag now.

BUSTER: Shit, why can't the cat just stay in the bag?

-Buster references the episode number (99) when he mentions his third-favorite double-digit number. It was a nice, absurd way to end the countdown to 100.

-About two or three years ago, one of my old pen pals sent me a link to "Vienna" because they wanted me to listen to it, and I ended up really liking it. I always interpreted the song as having the message that everyone will find happiness and peace one day, no matter who you are. I felt like a song like this would be perfect for the show, and described Jaylynn's situation very well.

-I hope you have enjoyed the Road to 100, because it ends in two weeks. On November 27, during Thanksgiving weekend, the 100th episode of _Thank You, Heavenly_ finally arrives. I'm not going to say anything specific about the plot, but it represents the show better than any other idea I came up with.


End file.
